


Come Undone

by Stromesquad



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Character, Communication, Falling In Love, M/M, Multi, Polyamory Negotiations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-05 23:18:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13398378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stromesquad/pseuds/Stromesquad
Summary: It's not that Ryan doesn't like sex, except that he doesn't.





	Come Undone

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is intensely personal for me, as an ace person. So please be gentle. 
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you to K, R, everydaybella, and lovestella for looking this over.
> 
> Especially R for being my dedicated Ryan Nugent-Hopkins expert.

It's not that Ryan doesn't like sex, except that he doesn't. He's had enough to know. He was a 16 year old boy and sometimes his body did things that he wasn't necessarily interested in and well… everyone else was having sex so it seemed like the thing to do at the time. It's not that it didn't feel good, or that it hurt or anything. But it's just a thing Ryan doesn’t particularly care for or plan on doing it ever again, even if it means having to be single for the rest of his life. In his experience, people don't generally seem to want to stick around if sex is off the table. He's just stopped trying...

That is until he realizes he wants to kiss his best friend. Ryan hasn't wanted to kiss anyone since he was 15 and he kissed Emily Peterson outside the movies while they waited for their parents to pick them up. 

Ryan is now 21, starting his 3rd season in the NHL, and he very very much wants to kiss Taylor Hall. And it's a very very bad idea except that Taylor keeps giving him shy smiles. It takes them a while to get it together but they fall into it naturally when Ryan just… takes Taylor's hand while they're watching a movie. 

*

It's not a surprise that Taylor asks him out on a date after that. It's still preseason so they have the time. They go to the zoo. It's a beautiful, perfect day of golden sunshine. They wander around going from exhibit to exhibit, backs of their hands brushing. Taylor's smile is wide but a little shy until he sees the reptile house. His face lights up.

“I wanna go in. Do you mind reptiles? I know some people don't like them but I do.” He's talking a mile a minute. Ryan can't tell if it's excitement or nerves or maybe both. Ryan suppresses a shudder. This is the one place in every zoo he avoids. He hates snakes. They are scary and they make his skin crawl, but he could never say no to the excitement on Taylor's face. He's weak and he knows it. 

“Of course we can!”

Taylor all but jumps up and down in his haste to get to the door. Ryan tells himself it will be worth it. For Taylor. It starts out fine, with geckos and skinks. Those he can handle. But then they get to the snakes. He huddles behind Taylor and grabs the back of his shirt without thinking. Taylor turns around.

“Are you okay?”

“Yup! Great! Just fine!” Ryan can feel his voice crawling higher as he goes. Taylor gives him a disbelieving look. “I just, umm… I really don't like snakes?”

Taylor smiles a little half smile. “You didn't have to come in. We could have skipped it.” 

“You were so excited. I didn't wanna take that away from you,” Ryan blushes. 

“We can go,” Taylor says 

“No. No, we can stay, I just might… um… cling to you a little bit? Is that okay?”

“Of course.”

Ryan pulls up close behind Taylor and keeps his hands fisted in Taylor's t-shirt until Taylor reaches back and takes one and holds it. Ryan makes it through the rest of the exhibit only occasionally burying his face in Taylor's shoulder for particularly large snakes.

When they leave, Taylor turns and asks, “What did you want to see?” 

“Red pandas!”

Taylor takes his hand again. “To the red pandas it is.”

Ryan knows they shouldn't hold hands in public but he lets it happen anyway. They spend a long time watching the red pandas and wander the rest of the zoo slowly, trying to see everything but not really caring if they miss out. They're a little too wrapped up in each other. 

Ryan stops at the bathroom on the way out and when he exits, Taylor is waiting with a bag in his hand. 

“I, um… I got you something.” His cheeks go red as he hands Ryan the bag. Inside is a stuffed red panda. 

“Taylor! You didn't have to do that!”

“I know. But I really really wanted to.” 

Ryan's grinning. He doesn't want the date to end so he asks, “Hey, do you want to go to dinner?”

Taylor grins back. “Of course.”

They go for sushi. Ryan psyches himself up a little as they eat their edamame. He knows he needs to tell Taylor to take things slow. Ryan doesn't have a playbook for this. So he takes and deep breath and says, “Can we take this slow?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean just… I don't know. I don't want to rush things?” Taylor tangles their ankles together under the table. It gives Ryan some courage. “I need to take things slow. I just, relationships are hard for me but I like you and I really want to try.”

“We can go at whatever pace you need. You just, let me know. Whatever you're ready for whenever you're ready for it, okay?”

Ryan sighs with relief. “Thank you. So much.”

The rest of dinner is comfortable. It's like nothing has changed but everything is different. 

*

They just keep going on these amazingly sweet and romantic dates, not just the kind of bro-y things one would expect from Taylor Hall. It's nice restaurants where Taylor pulls out his chair. It's feeding each other ice cream while sitting next to each other in a booth. They go mini golfing even though the weather is already turning cold and end the evening sharing hot chocolate from the same cup. It has become very clear to Ryan that Taylor is trying to woo him. He doesn't need to. Ryan is already head over heels, no stopping, no turning back in love. He never stood a chance really.

*

They're kissing, slow, lazy kissing on the couch on a Sunday afternoon off. Taylor has respected Ryan’s take it slow and hasn't tried anything more than kissing but today that changes and it's Ryan who starts that. His hands have slid up the back of Taylor's shirt, stroking gently over his skin. Taylor sighs into Ryan's mouth and lets his hands wander. It's nice. It's good. It's soft and it's quiet with little sighs and hushed breath until…

Until Taylor's hands wander to the front Ryan's jeans. He wants to try so much. He wants to try for Taylor but he can't. He… he thought loving someone this much might change things but he still… Ryan still can't and he knows. He knows this moment is going to be the end and it's going to break his heart but he pulls away anyway. 

So he pulls away and says, “Taylor, wait.” He's shaking and he knows it and he can’t stop. Taylor pulls away but takes his hand gently and holds it. 

“I… I… I… I can't,” Ryan stutters, choking the words out. “ Just. I'm… oh god… I'm… I don't have sex. I'm sorry. I know that's what you want and I can't. I can't give that to you and I'm so sorry.” Ryan pulls his hand back and covers his face. “I know you're going to leave. And it's okay. I'm… I'll be fine so just. Go. I'll need some space for a while.” And he cracks. The tears fall. He should have known better. He should have known that this would happen but, _God_ he wanted so badly for this time to be different. Ryan feels the couch shift but not losing weight, just that weight moving closer. Taylor gently pulls Ryan's hands away from his face and reaches in to brush away tears.

“Ry, I need you to look at me.” Ryan looks up. Taylor's eyes are warm and kind and full of love and nothing what Ryan expected to see.

“I love you. I've loved you for like, a really, embarrassingly long time and I'm not going anywhere. You are important. Please, never ever forget that.” 

“But…” Ryan interrupts and Taylor holds up a hand to stop him.

“I'm willing to do what I have to to make this work, for as long as you'll have me.” Ryan starts crying again, this time in relief. He doesn't know how Taylor can love him this much but accepts it and collapses into Taylor's arms and cries himself out while Taylor whispers soft “I love yous” into his hair.

Ryan spends a lot of time alone for the next week. He's not avoiding Taylor but he's not not avoiding him either. Taylor loves sex if his history is anything to go by. He didn't settle down with anyone until Ryan. He knows Taylor has to miss it. Maybe if Ryan can't give that to him, he can live with it coming from somewhere else. The idea sticks with him throughout the week and maybe, just maybe it's a good solution. It's at least something he's willing to try. With some ground rules. He tells Taylor to follow him home after their next practice. 

When they are both seated on the couch, facing each other, Ryan starts. “I need you to let me finish before you say anything okay?”

“Whatever you need.” Taylor takes his hand.

“I… I have a solution. I don't want you to have to give up sex for me. It's not fair of me to ask you.” Taylor starts to interrupt but Ryan puts up a finger, asking him to wait. 

“No, I'm not breaking up with you. I'm not selfless enough for that. But… what if… what if you could have sex with other people?” 

Taylor's jaw drops, clearly unsure of how to respond. 

Ryan continues, “I want to be with you. And this is a way for us to be together without taking something away from you. I've had the time to think about this and honestly, it's okay. This… us, is not going to change. I still want to sleep next to you, and ice your bruises after a game. So we have to have rules. My rules are no sleepovers, that is an intimacy that is saved for me and me only. And never the same person more than twice.”

“But Ryan,” Taylor interrupts. “I…” 

“I've thought about this. You never have to use this option if you don't want to but it's there for you to use, when you need it. If you never do, that's fine. But I want you to have the option. Okay?”

“Okay. I love you.”

“And I love you.” Ryan pulls Taylor in a holds him. “I love you.”

*

They're happy. So happy. And not just in the short term. They make it work for six months, a year, and then one turns quickly into two. They're not living together officially but they might as well be. Taylor doesn't use his option often but every so often, after a night out where Ryan's stayed home, Taylor will come home smelling like someone’s perfume. But he always, always comes home. And that's really all Ryan ever wanted.

*

Ryan breaks his hand and is going to be out for at least six weeks. Blocking that shot was stupid and he knows it, but it is what it is. He's in for six weeks of sitting on his couch watching away games on TV with Connor. 

When Taylor comes home from the first roadie without Ryan, he looks guilty and scared. There are tears in his when he sits down on the couch where Ryan is watching a movie with Connor and just stares blankly at the TV. Ryan looks at him for a moment and decides.

“Hey Connor. Can you give us some space for a little bit?” 

Connor nods and quietly leaves the room. 

Ryan kneels on the floor in front of Taylor, takes his hands and kisses them. 

“Hey,” he says softly. “Hey, look at me.” 

Taylor meets his eye and takes a shuddering breath. “I'm sorry.”

“Whatever you did, I'm sure we can fix it.” Ryan reaches up and wipes a tear from Taylor’s cheek. “We’ll make it work. We always make it work.”

Taylor turns his face in and kisses Ryan’s palm. “I… I don't know if we can this time.” His words are muffled in Ryan’s hand but he turns and looks Ryan in the eyes and says slowly. “I slept with Ebby. I… I didn't mean to. It just, I was… I don't even really know why I did it because… God I love you so much. But I don't think…” Taylor pauses. “I don’t think this can be a one time thing.” Taylor takes a shuddering breath. 

Ryan drops his hand and sits back on his heels. “Oh.” His heart cracks open. He's shell shocked and can't breathe. He should have expected this. He should have known he wouldn't, couldn't be enough. 

“I need to go.” He walks quickly to the rack by the door and takes his coat. “I… I need to think about this. I… I don’t… I can't be here right now.” He doesn't even get his coat on before he gets out the door. 

He probably shouldn't be alone but he wants to hide himself away from everyone. He needs to think. Losing Taylor is the absolute last thing he wants but this is a game changer. He needs to think. 

Ryan gets home and takes Sophie for a quick walk, gets changed and climbs into bed. He calls the dog over to come lay with him. She's not supposed to be on the bed but well, Taylor spoiled her and Ryan really, really shouldn't be alone right now. He holds Sophie in his arms and cries. She tries to lick his tears away. Eventually he drifts off to sleep. 

*

Avoiding Taylor and Jordan is easy while on IR but it's kind of isolating and lonely. Beyond being his boyfriend, Taylor is his best friend and Jordan ranks not far behind. He doesn't know who to talk to until a week into his self-imposed exile, he realizes he has Connor. He knows Connor is closer to Hallsy, but they're still pretty close. Ryan really needs a friend so he calls.

“Hey Nuge! I was wondering when you’d call.”

“Hey. How are you feeling?”

“Pretty stiff but not too bad. What's up?”

Ryan sighs. “Can I talk to you about something?”

“Is this about what happened between you and Hallsy? He’s been moping all week. He won't even talk to Jordan.”

This… this is isn't what Ryan wants. He doesn't want Taylor to cut himself off from Jordan. He maybe doesn't want for it to have to be a one-time thing for Taylor. He wants… he doesn't know what he wants for himself but he knows he wants Taylor to be happy. He can't let it go on like this. 

“It's about Hallsy. Has he talked to you at all?” 

“Not really. He's mostly been hanging out in his room alone. You can talk to me right now though. I may live with Hallsy, but I'm your friend too.” 

Ryan tells the whole story, about his lack of interest in sex, about their deal, about Ebs. He manages to not break down through the whole story but his eyes are watering a little. Sophie came and put her head in his lap around the time he started the story, so he strokes her fur softly as he speaks. 

When Ryan's done Connor says, “Have you ever considered also dating Ebs?”

“What do you mean?”

“No one here knows about this, maybe Hallsy just because I live with him but we've never talked about it. A couple of junior teammates know… but I um… I have two boyfriends.” He coughs, a little awkward.

“Two boyfriends?” Ryan questions, trying to prompt Connor to continue. 

“You know how I’m always skyping with Dylan and Mitch? Well, we’re together, all three of us. It's not easy with the distance but we make it work.”

“How did this even happen?”

“Dylan and I started dating when we were like, 16. His first year with the Otters. We were best friends and it just kind of evolved from there. Then Dylan finally properly met Mitch for the Ivan Hlinka tournament that year. I'm pretty sure he fell in love when they got put on a line together, honestly. Good hockey does it for him, obviously.” Connor chuckles. “When he came back, all he could talk about was Mitch. They were talking all the time, skyping a lot and I was there for a lot of that so I got to know Mitch too. And he's just kind of really easy to fall in love with. He's got this bright light inside of him. It's infectious and he's just do beautiful. I saw the way Dylan looked at him and Dylan saw the way I looked him and we knew there was something. So we talked, and we talked, and we researched. The next time we played the Knights we asked Mitch to hang out with us and told him how we felt, and we got lucky. He felt the same. We've been together ever since.” 

Ryan can here Connor’s smile through the phone. He takes a deep breath. 

“But I'm not in love with Ebs.” 

“There are different ways to be in a three person relationship. Dylan, Mitch and I are equal partners but you don't have to be. Some people have one primary partner and a secondary partner. Sometimes that secondary partner is just sexual, sometimes not. It's a hard decision to make and it requires a lot of thought and a ton of communication but for me, it's worth it. Most people would never think of this. So… I thought it might be information worth sharing.”

“I have a lot to think about. Thank you for this, for being there.”

“No problem. And if it helps, you can tell Taylor about me. I'm pretty sure he figured it out anyway.”

Ryan googles. He spends hours and hours reading about polyamory.

And it's… it's a lot. There are so many kinds of relationships. And what they already had was a kind of poly relationship he supposes. He narrows his search. He doesn't want a parallel relationship. If Taylor is with Ebs, he wants to be included. Parallel sounds too much like leaving. 

Triad… a union or group of three. And that… that honestly sounds appealing? Taylor will always come first so Ebs would be… a secondary partner for Ryan? That sounds right. He doesn't really have the same kind of feelings for Ebs as he does for Taylor but he loves Ebs in his own way. Ryan is willing to try. He's been sharing Taylor with the world at large for a long time and they’ve been happy. It's worth exploring. 

Ryan gives himself a week to think about it and in the end it feels right. This is something he's willing and ready to do. For himself, for Taylor, for Ebs. 

*

Ryan calls Taylor. 

“I think we need to talk.”

“Well that much is obvious, Ry. I haven't heard from you in over fucking a week.” Taylor's syllables are short and clipped. Ryan knows he shouldn't have avoided Taylor for so long. He just didn't know what to say or how to say it.

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have ghosted.”

“No fucking shit.” Taylor's voice is calm and that's honestly terrifying. He's an emotional guy and he's beyond the point of screaming. Ryan's kind of sure he's ruined this, the best thing he's ever had. 

“I just… I was scared and hurt and sad and I know that's not an excuse. Can we talk?” 

Taylor sighs. Ryan can picture the way Taylor always rubs his face tiredly when he sighs. “Of course we can talk. I'll be over in a half hour.” 

Ryan hangs up, relieved that Taylor's willing to talk about nervous about what has to say. 

Taylor shows up about a half hour later with two milkshakes. Ryan can't help but smile.

“This seemed like a milkshake conversation.”

“It probably is. Let's sit.” They walk over to the couch and Ryan expects Taylor to sit on the opposite end of the couch but he doesn't. He sits facing Ryan, knees pulled up, brushing Ryan's thighs. Ryan takes a deep breath. More than anything, this let's him know, no matter the outcome, they’ll be okay. 

“First… let me start by saying, again, that I am so incredibly sorry. I shouldn't have run away. You deserve better than that from me. I don't know how to make it up to you but I'm going to try.”

“Second… this is so hard to talk about. So umm… Connor kind of figured out what was happening and he had… well… how do I even say this?” Ryan takes another deep breath, in through his nose, out through his mouth. “I talked to Connor. Or well, Connor talked to me really and he… he has more than one boyfriend. Like all three of them are together, and have been for a while so I did some research. There are… there are relationships with more than two people. They're called, umm, triads. And it's three people together obviously and they can all be equal partners and sometimes they're not.”

Ryan looks at Taylor who nods, encouraging Ryan to keep talking.

“So I was thinking that maybe… maybe this could be something we could try. You and me and Jordan. I… I don't have those feelings for Jordan so he’d be I guess secondary for me. But I care about him a lot and I love you. I just. This isn't an 'I would do anything to keep you even if it hurts me.’ This is an 'I have put serious thought into this and it's something I could see us being happy.’ It's a lot about communicating and being honest and we already do that. It's not that different from what we've been doing. You just have one other partner that I know and we share. I think that… I think that could be better.”

"Before you say anything, just think about it. I know you love Jordan. Maybe not the same way you love me, but you could. He can give you what I can't. But you won't lose me, Taylor. You won't. I love you and I'm not going anywhere."

Taylor is sitting, mouth open, eyes wide. “Well this is a very different conversation than I thought we would be having.” He laughs a little. 

“Ry, this is a lot. Are you sure this is something that you would be okay with?”

“I've been thinking about it for a week. I'm sure.”

“I need some time to think about this.”

“Take all the time you need.”

Taylor reaches out. “Now get over here and cuddle me. I've missed you.”

 

*

It doesn't take long for Taylor to decide. He shows up at Ryan's two days later, cautiously smiling. Ryan kisses him as Taylor comes in the door.

“Hi! You didn't tell me you were coming.”

“I was thinking and I made a choice and just… got excited and got in the car and drove. Is that okay? That I'm here?” 

Ryan takes Taylor's hand and pulls him towards the couch. “Of course. You never have to ask. We're partners.” 

Once they're sitting, Taylor says, “I've decided. I want to try this thing. With you and Ebs. I want to try it. I think it could be good?” He sounds unsure, like Ryan will change his mind.

“Okay. You're sure? You didn't take much time to think.” 

“I'm sure.” Taylor is much more forceful this time, his certainty written on his face. “I love you, so much. But I can't deny that there's something there with Ebby. I… I want to see where that goes but I never want to leave you.”

“We can do this. As long as we talk and we're honest about how we feel, we can do this.” 

“Do you want to call him now? We can wait a little longer…” 

“No.” Taylor interrupts. “I'm sure. Let's do this.” 

Ryan calls Jordan and invites him over later that afternoon. When he gets there, there's a six pack under one arm and a stack of video games under the other. 

“Hey! You didn't say what we were doing so I just brought some stuff with me. And now I remember that you still can't use your hand and video games are a bad idea. Sorry bud.” Jordan grins a little sheepishly. 

“It's fine. I kind of like watching Taylor play.” Ryan chuckles. “He's fucking ridiculously competitive and it's cute.”

They walk into the house together and Taylor spies the beer and says, “Cool! Beer! I’ll grab the bottle opener.” 

Once they're settled on the couch with beers in hand, Ryan looks at Jordan, face serious. “We wanted to talk to you about something.”

Jordan visibly pales. “If… if this is about what happened on the road trip, I’m really sorry. We were drunk and stupid and I never meant to come between you. God, I'm such a fucking idiot.”

Taylor reaches out and rubs Jordan's back. “It's okay Ebby. Ryan and I… we've talked about this.” 

Ryan nods and Taylor continues. “We… we want you to be our partner. You would be more to me than to Ryan but his partner too. There's something there between us and I… I don't want what happened to be just once. It's…” He trails off when he sees Jordan shaking his head. 

Jordan jumps off the couch knocking over his beer in the process. It goes ignored because Jordan is shouting, actually shouting.

“Is this some kind of trick? This doesn't happen. People don't do this. I can't. Why would you even… no. This is stupid. I can't believe you'd fucking tease me like this. I'm leaving.” 

Jordan turns to leave and Taylor reaches for him. 

“No, Hallsy. I'm going. Leave me the fuck alone.” And with that he walks to the front door, shoves on his shoes, grabs his jacket and slams the door on his way out.

Taylor leans into Ryan's side. Ryan wraps an arm around him and kisses the side of his head. 

Taylor sighs. “Well that could have gone better.”

Ryan shifts. “Give him time. I don't know if he’ll come around to dating us, but he's our friend. Best friend really. And I don't think this will ruin it.”

Taylor shrugs. “Just doesn't feel like that right now.” He slides out from under Ryan's arm. “I'll clean up the mess.”

*

Four days later, Ryan answers an early morning knock at the door to find Jordan. He's a little disheveled, like he hasn't been sleeping, and he looks nervous. Ryan steps out of the way and lets him in. 

“I…” Jordan starts. He just kind of stares at Ryan like he can finish the sentence for him.

“You…” Ryan replies, raising his eyebrows.

“I've been thinking. And I wanted… I needed to talk to you alone.”

Ryan’s eyebrows furrow together. “Okay. Go on.”

“I wanted to know if… I wanted to know if you… if this… I wanted to make sure this three person relationship thing wasn't just something that Taylor bullied you into.”

“Bullied me into? Ebs, you know him better than that, don't you?”

“Yes, but…”

“Stop that thought.” Ryan interrupts. “This was my idea. We were, I didn't realize it at the time, already polyamorous. We had a deal. He could have sex with other people, because I well...I don't. That's not just not a feeling I experience. But then he slept with you. At first I was upset.”

“I'm really sorry about that. I shouldn't have done that. We were drunk and I knew you were together but… I'm really sorry.”

“It's okay. You really have nothing to be sorry for. We're working on fixing it. And I'm not upset anymore. Taylor really cares about you. I really care about you. This could be something real Jordan. I think we deserve a chance.” 

“I… you're right. I want to try this.”

“That sounds good. You want to help me wake Taylor up with some pancakes?” 

They work side by side and as Ryan is putting the last pancake one, he asks Jordan to go wake Taylor up. 

Taylor stumbles into the kitchen, blearily rubbing his eyes. “Ry, am I still dreaming? Or is Ebby really here? Cause he kissed me and I'm not sure…” Taylor yawns. “Not sure that's real.”

“It's real. He's here.”

Taylor's face lights up. “You mean…” he trails off. Jordan slides behind him. 

“It's real. I'm here. I want… I want this. You. Ryan. I'm here.” He presses a soft kiss to Taylor's cheek and moves around him to grab a cup of coffee. He makes 3 cups and carries them over to the breakfast bar where Taylor is now sitting. He's left the middle spot open for Jordan. Ryan brings over the plate of pancakes, brushing his hand along Taylor's, then Jordan's back. They eat in companionable, comfortable silence. 

*

It works. It works better than Ryan ever expected it to. He let's Taylor and Jordan have their space when they need it but more often than not, it's all three of them together.

Taylor and Jordan have a rare day off. Ryan's happy because he's been bored and lonely on IR so he's happy to just be watching Taylor and Jordan play Mario Kart, laughing at them as Taylor uses the tactic of sitting on Jordan's lap to make him mess up and Jordan standing to dump him off his lap when there's this feeling that Ryan can't quite put his finger on. It's something new, different than what he's felt before but it's nice. He's full of warmth and that… it's nice. If you asked Ryan where he thought his life was going, this certainly wouldn't have been his answer but he’ll take it. 

When Taylor gets up to go to the bathroom, Jordan looks at Ryan. 

“Do you maybe want to go out one night? Just us?” he asks, shyly. 

“Yeah. That sounds good.”

“Okay, I'll text you the details.”

*

Jordan takes Ryan to one of the nicer steakhouses in Edmonton, the kind where you have to wear a jacket and a button down shirt. They order an expensive bottle of red wine neither of them knows anything about but why not? It's surprisingly easy, being alone with Jordan in what is very obviously a Serious Date. It's not that much different from all the nights they’ve hung out as friends but there is intent here. 

After the appetizers, Ryan reaches across the table and squeezes Jordan's hand. He kind of wishes he could hold it right now. 

“I’m having a really good time.” Ryan looks at Jordan, blushes and looks down at his lap. There's a gentle swooping sensation in his chest. It's nice. 

Jordan hooks his ankle with Ryan's under the table. “Me too.” His smile is crooked and charming and Ryan has the distinct sense that if he was standing, he'd be a little weak in the knees. 

*

They're laying in bed on a lazy day off, a pile of limbs tangled together, Taylor asleep with his head on Ryan's chest and Jordan spooned up behind him, when it hits Ryan. He's in love with Ebs. He's in love with Jordan Eberle and he doesn't know how it happened or when it happened but he's kind of glad it did. They've been happy together, the three of them, since the start. Ryan reaches out over Taylor and takes Jordan’s hand, threading their fingers together. They rest their joined hands on Taylor's hip. Ryan is warm and content. 

After a while Ryan says, “Hey Ebs… Jordan?” 

Jordan tips his head up from where he’d buried face in Taylor's hair. “Yeah?”

“I think… no, I know… I’m in love with you.” 

Jordan's eyes go soft. He's smiling. “I love you too. Have for a while.” He squeezes Ryan's hand and then brings it up to his lips and kisses his knuckles. 

It doesn't really require a lot thinking for Ryan to know what he wants. Jordan has become just as important as Taylor. He hasn't loved him as long but certainly just as much. They need to have a talk, but Ryan thinks it will be the easiest conversation he's ever had. He gently nudges and nuzzles Taylor awake. 

“Hey babe. Wake up. We gotta talk about something.” 

Taylor blinks up at Ryan. “Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah. Everything's better than okay. I… I want us all to be equal partners. I love you and I love Jordan. I want you to be equal for me.”

Taylor's face lights up and he shifts to look at Jordan. “Yeah?” 

“I've been in love with Ryan for a while and he loves me too. I want this. Do you want this?”

“I've never wanted anything more. God, I'm so in love with you both.” 

Ryan kisses Jordan and then he kisses Taylor. He's warm and content and there is nowhere in the world he’d rather be.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a bunch of fun cutesy notes for the end of this one but here are a couple of things...
> 
>  
> 
> They absolutely stay together after both trades happen. It's not easy, but they do it because they talk to each other and are honest and open. 
> 
>  
> 
> They frequently fall asleep on Skype together. Sometimes they just like sitting together with Skype open while they do other stuff just so they can look over and see each other's faces.
> 
>  
> 
> Jordan moves in with Taylor when he gets traded to NY. Ryan gets lonely sometimes but Jordan was spending every night with him before the trade so he's okay with it. 
> 
>  
> 
> They buy a house together for the off-season. It has a guest bedroom with a king sized bed for when Connor comes to visit with Mitch and Dylan. 
> 
>  
> 
> They are very very soft.


End file.
